We love because he first loved us. ~ 1 John 4:19
I have been struggling a lot lately with being so needed. Anyone who is a mother knows this constant feeling all too well. You start to feel like your worth is purely utilitarian, like you don’t matter except when someone needs something – which they constantly do. There is no such thing as free time, or “Me time”, and when there is, you pretty much always spend it doing something necessary (for example, laundry and dishes without kids under my feet). With four littles now (and one on the way), the perfectionist side of me is ashamed to admit that I am completely at the end of my rope.
The thing is, it’s always when I get to the end of my rope that God teaches me.
You don’t have to be a mother to know that everyone always needs something, and that something is usually love, concern, care, attention or help. It is always something that costs us personally, a piece of ourselves. I, for one, get anxious, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and even angry when I don’t feel up to the task. How dare they ask me for anything more?
I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.
We know we cannot give what we do not have. It is easy to notice that we are depleted and not up to the task of giving, or loving as much as we know others need us to love. It’s easy enough to say we “can’t” and use it as an excuse not to try. It’s easy enough to blame it on our spouse, our significant other, our children or our friends for not filling us with enough love to give back. It’s easy to say that, since they won’t help, I must just need more “me time” so that I can show myself the love I deserve.
It’s easy to brush others needs off when we are empty. “Life is tough.” “Nothing is fair.” “Don’t they know I need love too? The sooner they learn that life doesn’t revolve around them, the better”.
But these excuses are not what we are called to! There is SO. MUCH. MORE.
Yes, We need our love “gas tanks” (Eggerichs) to be filled, but not by someone as empty as ourselves.
True “me time”
When we feel depleted we need to run to Him. When we feel like we just can’t do any more, the most important thing we can do is run to Him. When we think that we don’t have time for God, that’s exactly when we need Him most. We need to recharge, to bask in the light when we feel surrounded by darkness.
It’s not about saying words, but about being seen, about being touched, about being desired. About not being needed, but simply being wanted. We need to get to a place where we can just sit with God and “look at Him looking at me”. It’s about building up a relationship that real, that moving, that fulfilling.
This is REAL. This is possible!
Once you taste this first glimmer of hope that being satiated is actually possible, Scripture comes alive for real, perhaps for the first time. Lines like:
Like a deer that longs for running streams, my soul longs for you, Oh God. – Psalm 42:1
Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water. – John. 4:15
He restores my soul. `- Psalm 23: 4
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28
This is real “me time”. Love Himself, and He alone, is what can fill me and allow me to keep going when the world keeps asking for more.
(Read also: Finding yourself in Motherhood)
If this is something you have never experienced then you don’t know what you are missing.
No matter what you “need to do” today, make this your first priority. Start building a tangible relationship with the One who simply needs to touch to heal (And as many as touched Him were healed -Mark 6:56).
Share below any times He has touched you in your life? How has this changed you?
Here are some other posts I have written on the topic of building a relationship with God in case you don’t know where to start:
- What does a True Relationship with God look like?
- 6 Steps to Build a practical Friendship with God
- The cure for loneliness
- Called to be SEEN – The Impact of Knowing You are Loved!
Also, try the linked posts within the article. I have written SEVERAL posts on this topic!!