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On the days when Motherhood is Hard…

This May I dedicated my blog to living motherhood as a calling. I spent some time revisiting past posts in which I have reflected on what motherhood has taught me, what makes it beautiful, and what makes it hard.

Many days are hard.

Most days are messy.

Post-Partum depression, overwhelm, irritability, and selfishness are very real things. But so are growth, joy, awe, tenderness, and beauty.

Personal Growth, Relationship with God

Top 10 Things Parenthood has Taught me About God

Parenthood. My calling. For the longest time I couldn’t decide how I felt about that… 6 kids in, maybe I am finally starting to get it.

I never planned on being a mother. I never envisioned kids, chaos, or constantly feeding people. That wasn’t my dream… But God had a bigger one.

Not only did I need to bring these little souls into the world to accomplish their irreplaceable part in His grand design….

Not only did I need to love and be loved by my husband…

Not only did I need to learn from them more about myself…

More than all that… I am certain that the BIGGEST reason God called me to parenthood was to teach me about Himself…

Self-Acceptance

Irreplaceable – Called to Recognize your Worth

I’m not going to lie, up until pretty much writing this post, I’ve resented being a mother. People tell me, “Just enjoy it, they grow up so fast” …but all I feel is my blood starting to boil a little bit. I’m not saying I regret having children, because I don’t. I wanted them. I wanted this perfect little vision of children and motherhood that I had inside my mind.  I had visions of tea parties and family board games (without pieces flying everywhere).  I had visions of listening to my children laugh and play nicely together while I got things done nearby. I had visions of perfectly clean, little smiley angels who minded when I asked them nicely to do things as long as I was reasonable. I had visions of enjoying teaching my cooperative, attentive and eager little ones to read and learn about life, language, nature and God as they hung on my every word.

I had visions of enjoying motherhood!

But I didn’t envision

Endurance, Seasonal Reflections, When life is Hard

How to Embrace Your Cross – 2 Practical Steps

I got an email this morning inviting me to see my Interruptions as Opportunities, specifically opportunities to live every moment for God’s glory.  This is difficult for me as I feel that motherhood is a constant stream of interruptions.  And if there is one thing I hate… it is being interrupted.

I joke with my husband that never again will any of my trains of thought ever “make it to the station”, they will somehow just evaporate into oblivion or crash into the giant zone of forgetfulness like they do in the movie “Inside Out”. My life is a series of unfinished projects and lost puzzle pieces. I forget what I am saying mid-sentence most of the time because my brain has become they typical mush that most mother’s experience around this time in their child raising careers.

And I am tired…

But, sometimes I wonder if my exhaustion comes from fighting so hard against something I am meant to embrace.

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