Starting out

Welcome!

I see you

You are faced with a blank slate and you want to do everything right. You wish you had all the answers and you hate the all too common, but well-meant question, “So, what are you going to do now?” Too many people are trying to “help you” from every side but no one ever gives you a minute to figure things out.

What should you do when everyone else seems to know what’s best? Should you just do what they tell you – kissing up just to get approval, or an easy head start? Or should you rebel – defy everyone and everything and become your “own person”?

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose His soul? – Mark 8:36

I, personally, chose a 3rd option

I ran away, away as far as I could, from the manipulations, the noisy “advice”, and the guilt trips, to another country where nobody spoke my language and nobody knew my family.

While, I highly doubt this extreme would be the right approach for everyone, looking back now I truly believe the purpose behind it was wise beyond my years.

I realized I needed space. Space to think, and breathe, and pray, and (apparently) make mistakes. According to the world’s standards, I “did nothing” – but not because I was sitting at home playing the victim card and letting fear paralyze me. No, they said I was “doing nothing” because it was nothing that promised any return on investment, nothing that furthered social or economic “success”, but nonetheless fundamentally altered the course of my life.

This season of my life, set the tone for everything after it

And so I encourage you

TAKE this time, recognize it as incredibly valuable, and use it well. Don’t try to fill it with noise, people, or relationships (yes, this includes family, friends, and significant others). Their time will come. It means saying no to more invitations, and consciously developing a taste for quiet and solitude (even if you are an extrovert). Yes. It will be ok. I promise.
Get to know God – Use ALL your free time to discover the beauty of silence, nature, and reflection – Learn to Pray. Nurture a deep relationship with Him. Remember, knowing about Him and knowing Him are not the same thing. This will sustain you no matter what path you end up taking.
Try new things. What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or do? Do you have any items on your “bucket list”? DO THEM! Find out what you are passionate about.
Learn to value yourself – Learn to cook. Eat right. Exercise. Listen to your body. Sleep enough and not too much. Practice self discipline and healthy balance. Start to value personal hygiene, if you didn’t get it growing up, and learn how to dress well. Be proud of the person you are becoming.
Get a job – and hold it for at least one year – not for the sake of money, although that obviously helps with doing all these things – but to show yourself that you are consistent and steadfast. Experience the pride of a job well done and the reward of serving others. Learn to budget and spend money wisely. Don’t expect other people to bale you out of your mistakes.
Admit mistakes – Realize you are still loved even though you are not perfect, but never use this as an excuse to hurt other people or damage relationships, especially your relationship with God. Own up. Learn to apologize and make amends.
Forgive – don’t hold onto wounds and grudges from your past. Feel them. Learn from them. Let them influence the kind of person you would be proud to become. And then let them go. If you need counseling to achieve this, it could be a healthy option, but most situations are resolvable with a few books and a lot of prayer.
Be present – get off screens, technology, and social media as much as possible (at least 1 hour per day, one day per week, and one week per month) so you can learn to live in real life. Practice your listening skills.

As you are just starting out

In your single season, people may make fun of you for “doing nothing”, for turning down invitations and being “different”. Try not to let them get to you. Take all of your worries, your heartache, and your loneliness to prayer and He will comfort you. This is you building a strong foundation for the life He has planned for you. This is you DOING SOMETHING when you don’t know what to do. Lean in. Draw close. This is you learning to recognize His heartbeat and your beauty. It is time you will never have again.

Cherish it. Use it. Protect it.

This season will not last forever.