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Endurance

invite-god-mess-combatting-perfectionism

I have been trying too hard. Yep, I’m a perfectionist.  I’ve struggled with perfectionism every single day since I can remember…

I have been trying to be the best mom in the world. I have been trying to have the most desirable website in the world. I have been trying to be the best wife in the world. I have been trying to make sure I have the best course in the world. I have been trying to make sure I know everything about everything in order to be the best I can be at everything.

But, my constant result is complete and utter overwhelm, burnout, exhaustion, frustration, and despair.

Every time I decide, today is the day when I am going to succeed, inevitably I fail.

It is time to recognize a reality. I’m not perfect. I’m just me. I can only do what I can do, nothing more.

And THAT’S OK!

In fact, it is GOOD! 

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Personal Growth, When life is Hard

“I don’t have time for this” …. God’s teachable moments

I was trying to get ready to leave on a trip with my husband. We were finally completely packed and ready to go… all I had left to do was put the kids to bed so we could wake up bright and early the next morning and head out….Then I remembered how I meant to fertilize all the plants and quickly spray down our fruit trees before we left. So, we all went outside… Fertilizer went well but, when I went to put the fruit tree spray in the hose attachment to do the trees, I discovered that there were two rather large cracks in the bottom of the container. Oil based bug spray concentrate was pouring everywhere!!!

Commence parental freakout!

Personal Growth, When life is Hard

The Capacity of a Heart…

I thought Tarcisius was going to be a dejavu child, a replica, an afterthought, a double take. After all, when he was born he looked indistinguishable from my others and his birthday is the same week as 2 of them. I thought that the fact that we didn’t travel during his pregnancy to pick out his name (like we have with all the others) would make him less special. I thought that somehow he was going to get lost in the busyness of 4 children. I thought that he would forever live in the shadow of my first boy who even daddy is jealous of most of the time. I thought I wouldn’t have enough love to go around and that I wouldn’t be a good enough mom once I was stretched this thin… but I was wrong.

Personal Growth, Uncategorized, When life is Hard

Called to the Cross… A reflection on Psalm 22

Last week I was told to reflect on Psalm 22. I had been crying to my friend about the trials of bedtime with 4 littles and a tired mommy especially when daddy isn’t there to help…. and my prayer was a beautiful experience – not just, I think, for mothers but for anyone trying to live out any vocation or, simply, a truly Christian life.

The Psalm is meant to be a foreshadowing of Christ’s sufferings at Calvary and the biggest shock I had was how much I related to it – how we all can relate – how much it felt like the Psalmist was describing my own life at that moment (minus the melodramatic psalmist vocabulary choices – or maybe with them – I’ll let you decide – haha).

When life is Hard

3 Steps to Deeper Peace of Soul

I am a worrier.  I worry about everything.  I worry about every single decision I make, from what to make for dinner to whether or not I should spend those $20 extra at the grocery store. I worry about my abilities as a wife and a mother. I worry about my eating habits, my weight, my beauty and my ability to be loved. I worry about my children and their futures. I worry about my husband and his health. I worry about the health of my relationships with friends and family members.  I worry about my problems and other people’s problems ’til I can’t sleep at night. But there is one thing I no longer worry about

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