I can’t even tell you how hard it is to write sometimes… and yet at the same time it is impossible not to write. I feel called, pushed, driven to share the deepest parts of myself so that even one person might be edified, encouraged or lifted up in some way. But, what if the opposite happens? What if I only let my readers down? What if I am no different or better than anyone else? What if my writing isn’t any good? What if everything I feel needs to be said has already been said before? What if my thoughts aren’t expressed well? What if I let those who believe in me down? What if I let God down? After all, isn’t this supposedly His plan?
I am almost constantly plagued by these feelings of inadequacy (Read also: Spiritual Warfare). For example, out of fear, I have already failed to post four times this week alone! (Not to mention the dozen or more posts that are pretty much written but still unpublished.)
How can God work with me if I refuse to respond to His promptings? How can I grow if I’m not willing to make mistakes?
I fight against vulnerability in my everyday life as well. It paralyzes me. I feel the “what if I’m not good enough” twinge in my heart and want to stop fighting, to run away and hide, to bury my talents in the ground, because it is safer (Matthew 25:18).
I am human. I am broken. I am far from perfect. But, imperfect or not, I am chosen. Broken or not, I am important. Being human is the key to my ministry. Being raw, open and honest is the only way to connect with souls who are equally broken and imperfect.
This is why Christ became man – to show us that He knew what it was like to be one of us – VULNERABLE to pain, loss, betrayal, abandonment, sadness, rejection and even death.
3 steps to practice vulnerability
- Ask yourself, how is He asking you to invest your talents (Matthew 25)? – Note, investments are never certain – Do you feel him tugging on your heart to do something? To give him something? More time? More money? More trust?
- Get more prepared for your “investment” / Grow in (humble) confidence – Take classes. Get more knowledgeable, more literate, more fit. Face your fears, your weaknesses, your pride, and your vocation (Read also – Will God’s will make me happy )
- Step out of the boat (Matthew 14:29) – Sometimes we have to step out in trust to find out that we do not sink. Sometimes we might lose sight of Him, but, don’t look at the waves! Remember, He will always catch your hand as you start to sink, to lift you up again! You have nothing to fear!
…and so I write. I step out of my tiny comfort zone of a boat and I set foot onto unsettled waters. What if it’s good? What if it’s bad? What if someone hates it? What if what if no one reads it? (And, worst of all) What if someone reads it?! None of that matters. All that matters is that He called me out of the boat and my eyes are fixed on Him.
How is He asking you to be vulnerable today? Are you holding back? Share below!