Browsing Tag

Fear and Doubt

called-to-be-vulnerable

I can’t even tell you how hard it is to write sometimes… and yet at the same time it is impossible not to write. I feel called, pushed, driven to share the deepest parts of myself so that even one person might be edified, encouraged or lifted up in some way. But, what if the opposite happens? What if I only let my readers down? What if I am no different or better than anyone else? What if my writing isn’t any good? What if everything I feel needs to be said has already been said before? What if my thoughts aren’t expressed well? What if I let those who believe in me down? What if I let God down? After all, isn’t this supposedly His plan?

I am almost constantly plagued by these feelings of inadequacy (Read also: Spiritual Warfare). For example, out of fear, I have already failed to post four times this week alone! (Not to mention the dozen or more posts that are pretty much written but still unpublished.)

How can God work with me if I refuse to respond to His promptings? How can I grow if I’m not willing to make mistakes?

I fight against vulnerability in my everyday life as well. It paralyzes me. I feel the “what if I’m not good enough” twinge in my heart and want to stop fighting, to run away and hide, to bury my talents in the ground, because it is safer (Matthew 25:18).

I am human. I am broken. I am far from perfect. But, imperfect or not, I am chosen. Broken or not, I am important. Being human is the key to my ministry. Being raw, open and honest is the only way to connect with souls who are equally broken and imperfect.

This is why Christ became man – to show us that He knew what it was like to be one of us – VULNERABLE to pain, loss, betrayal, abandonment, sadness, rejection and even death.

3 steps to practice vulnerability

  1. Ask yourself, how is He asking you to invest your talents (Matthew 25)? – Note, investments are never certain – Do you feel him tugging on your heart to do something? To give him something? More time? More money? More trust?
  2. Get more prepared for your “investment” / Grow in (humble) confidence – Take classes. Get more knowledgeable, more literate, more fit. Face your fears, your weaknesses, your pride, and your vocation (Read also – Will God’s will make me happy )
  3. Step out of the boat (Matthew 14:29) – Sometimes we have to step out in trust to find out that we do not sink. Sometimes we might lose sight of Him, but, don’t look at the waves! Remember, He will always catch your hand as you start to sink, to lift you up again! You have nothing to fear!

…and so I write. I step out of my tiny comfort zone of a boat and I set foot onto unsettled waters. What if it’s good? What if it’s bad? What if someone hates it? What if what if no one reads it? (And, worst of all) What if someone reads it?! None of that matters. All that matters is that He called me out of the boat and my eyes are fixed on Him.

How is He asking you to be vulnerable today? Are you holding back? Share below!


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Called to Be

The Capacity of a Heart…

I thought Tarcisius was going to be a dejavu child, a replica, an afterthought, a double take. After all, when he was born he looked indistinguishable from my others and his birthday is the same week as 2 of them. I thought that the fact that we didn’t travel during his pregnancy to pick out his name (like we have with all the others) would make him less special. I thought that somehow he was going to get lost in the busyness of 4 children. I thought that he would forever live in the shadow of my first boy who even daddy is jealous of most of the time. I thought I wouldn’t have enough love to go around and that I wouldn’t be a good enough mom once I was stretched this thin… but I was wrong.

Called to Be, Called to Relationship, Called to Suffering

Does God Really Love Me??

Is there a way to KNOW God loves you? Ever felt like saying “… it’s been such a crappy day/week/month/year/life that it sure doesn’t feel like it”? If we are struggling with the question of lovability, hearing about God’s love for you can almost feel nauseating in its commonality. We can’t even get away from the cheesy emoticon bumper-stickers that say “Smile, God loves you!” and most of the time it feels like people are “just saying that”.  Is there a way to get past that?

Called to Relationship

Called to Be at Peace – (Third “Level of Love)

I am a worrier.  I worry about everything.  I worry about every single decision I make, from what to make for dinner to whether or not I should spend those $20 extra at the grocery store. I worry about my abilities as a wife and a mother. I worry about my eating habits, my weight, my beauty and my ability to be loved. I worry about my children and their futures. I worry about my husband and his health. I worry about the health of my relationships with friends and family members.  I worry about my problems and other people’s problems ’til I can’t sleep at night. But there is one thing I no longer worry about

Called to Relationship

Called to Believe in God – (Second “Level of Love”)

Do you experience fear?  Do you find yourself worrying about things that are not within your control? Do you wonder why your prayers go “unanswered”?  Do you wonder why you “never see” any more miracles?  Is it because God is far away and has forgotten us? No, it is because of our lack of belief.   

Called to Relationship, Called to Suffering

4 Obstacles to Trusting God and How to Overcome Them

Often my kids are trying to get down off a bed or a chair or something and they inch themselves backwards off the edge until they can’t go any further without “falling” the last inch or so to the ground. But what they don’t realize is how close to the ground they really are, so if their little toes don’t touch anything they start screaming for help in sheer panic…. They’ve backed up too far to climb back up and can’t go back any further without losing their precarious hold on the bed sheets or the edge of the chair.

Called to Be, Called to Relationship

Broken and Beautiful – How to Enjoy Being Yourself

Everyone says I’ve got it all together, everyone looks at me in envy.  Everyone sees my cute kids and my loving husband and thinks my life couldn’t be more perfect, that I must be living heaven on earth and that I couldn’t possibly emulate with anyone in tough situations. It is true that I am very blessed and have a life that seems picture perfect now (don’t let that fool you), but it hasn’t always been this way. I have a secret. I am NORMAL!

Called to Relationship

Love and Fear – A change in your heart…

I went to my 32 week growth check ultrasound today. This pregnancy, while desired, has been excruciatingly hard for me in both physical and mental ways. I have had chronic nausea, insomnia, nightmares, exhaustion, dehydration, and anemia. I have been experiencing severe sciatic nerve pain and literal terror at the idea of undergoing a fourth labor. Yes, I know that in comparison to women with genuinely difficult pregnancies, this is nothing, but it has been all I can handle, especially with 3 toddlers. Mentally, all the physical symptoms have taken their toll as well.