I am a worrier. I worry about everything. I worry about every single decision I make, from what to make for dinner to whether or not I should spend those $20 extra at the grocery store. I worry about my abilities as a wife and a mother. I worry about my eating habits, my weight, my beauty and my ability to be loved. I worry about my children and their futures. I worry about my husband and his health. I worry about the health of my relationships with friends and family members. I worry about my problems and other people’s problems ’til I can’t sleep at night. But there is one thing I no longer worry about
I have been trying to stay out of all this politics garbage because of all the beloved friends I have on both sides of the issue. I have felt the pain of women dear to my heart as they confessed to me that felt they had to no choice but to make decisions they try not to regret. I am also a mother who sees every day the beauty of the life of my children. I have personally experienced my own capacity for love grow to lengths I didn’t know were possible because of them. I am pro-love. I am pro-life. I am pro-woman. And I am so sick of all the fighting, bickering, bantering, arguing, attacking, and defensiveness. I am sick of everyone trying to be right and prove everyone else wrong… I can no longer hold back.
I went to my 32 week growth check ultrasound today. This pregnancy, while desired, has been excruciatingly hard for me in both physical and mental ways. I have had chronic nausea, insomnia, nightmares, exhaustion, dehydration, and anemia. I have been experiencing severe sciatic nerve pain and literal terror at the idea of undergoing a fourth labor. Yes, I know that in comparison to women with genuinely difficult pregnancies, this is nothing, but it has been all I can handle, especially with 3 toddlers. Mentally, all the physical symptoms have taken their toll as well.